Some random thoughts on life
This post is not about software, technology, or any interesting story. If you are reading for something interesting, skip it. This post is just a collection of some of my random thoughts about life, love, relationships, society, and pain. I am not even sure what I am going to write. I will probably ramble a lot.
So I am a programmer, I write code. Writing code is not difficult. Debugging it when something goes wrong, is the most difficult part. When you have made a mistake and your code does not work, you try to debug, you try to fix it. And that’s not easy, one mistake at line 27 may have resulted in many other mistakes in different parts of your code. You go line by line and that’s frustrating, you try everything but nothing works. It seems impossible to fix, finally, you get fed up and decide to give it up altogether. You decide to stop developing that program, and that’s perfectly fine. If it’s affecting your mental health, it’s better to give up and move on.
But when it comes to life, things are different.
Let’s look at it from a parent’s perspective. I guess creating a kid is probably easier than growing them up. Your kids will make mistakes, they will mess up, and they will put you in difficult situations. You will be angry, you will feel frustrated, you will be exhausted, and it may look impossible, but you do not give up. Why? Because you love them.
When you are handling your kid, you know humans are not perfect, they make mistakes, they get distracted, they get attracted, they mess things up, and they get difficult to handle. But you do not give up on them. Why? Because you love them.
And that seems like a perfectly valid reason. To keep loving your kid in any situation, even if they mess up, even if they put you in a difficult situation. Because you love them, and your love should not be conditional. It’s unacceptable to love your kid only if they turn out amazing, and drop them if they make mistakes.
But when we talk about some other variations of love in human life, everything suddenly changes. When you change the relationship between the two people from a parent-child to any other combination. You are suddenly expected to give up when things go wrong. Be it a marriage, a love relationship, or even a friendship. Why? Why does the perfectly valid reason for loving them fail here? Would you have thought about giving up your kid and adopting another one, because they made a mistake?
When you are looking from a parent’s perspective, you were able to see the efforts of the parent. Their deep love for their kid. Their struggles. Now let’s look at it from the child’s perspective.
Your child was probably not even trying to put you in trouble. Maybe they are struggling with some of their own issues. Maybe they end up putting you in trouble because you were not there to stop them. Maybe they were doing what they feel to be the right course of action and it has gone bad, putting you in trouble. Had you never made mistakes? Had you never messed up anything?
Being human is tough; hurting people you love, watching people you love getting hurt; feeling helpless to change mistakes you have made.
We all make mistakes.
We all want to be accepted and loved, and mistakes can make us feel unlovable and flawed. We forget that everyone’s been there before and will be there again.
No matter how hard we practice, we will occasionally trip up. And we have to accept that.
We need to try to develop the same parent-child depth of love in our other relationships, that matter.
We need to give up less on the people we love. The people who share that depth of love with us will always be there. No matter what.
We do not always get an opportunity to fix our mistakes.
But sometimes we do. Fixing mistakes is not going to be an easy task, it will look impossible.
Now whether we should fix it or not, totally depends on how much the outcome matters in our life.