Love, Possession, Ownership
More often than not, we try to put a leash on people we love and force them to do what makes us happy, what saves us from embarrassment, and what keeps our pride alive. We tell them we love them and we know what’s right for them. But, do we? Is it really love? or ownership, if we are making decisions for someone else based on what benefits us.
Possession means controlling or owning something. Maybe you can own a pet, but you can never own a person.
Sometimes you may love a person so much that you feel like you own their life and want to control their actions. You may fall into the trap of trying to change how they think or their personality so that you feel more comfortable and stable in the relationship.
A loving relationship has to be a mutual decision made by both people – you can’t possess another person if they don’t want you to.
When you love someone you openly discuss problems, not just what you find problematic, but what they do too. Whereas when you think you own someone you cannot even see the problems they state as a problem.
When you love someone and they hurt you, you have every right to discuss it with them, tell them they have hurt you, and fight with them. But you have no right to humiliate them in front of the world, to prove your point, to prove you are the victim. You can never imagine the damage you do when you humiliate someone, it is no less than killing their soul.
Public humiliation or public shaming is a form of punishment whose main feature is dishonoring or disgracing a person, usually an offender or a prisoner, especially in a public place.
In the 19th century, public humiliation was a common punishment for offenders and prisoners. So when you humiliate someone you think you love, you have probably even crossed the possession stage, and believe they are your prisoner and deserve punishment for hurting you.
Are we slowly blurring out the line between loving someone and owning a pet?
We need to learn to love, without it turning into possession or ownership.